99 Of The Funniest Dad Jokes

We all love the jokes our dad makes… right??

dad jokes

Are you interested in learning some new dad jokes to tell at your next family function? Before you dig in, let’s get a better understanding of what dad jokes are.

Most dad jokes are also called puns. These short unoriginal jokes told by middle-aged men have become a theme for most families. Dad jokes are in the form of a question and answer or a one-liner. Where they are different from typical jokes is they have no narrative.

Where It All Began

You’ve probably heard your father tell dad jokes in the past and didn’t know. Maybe you said to him that you were hungry, and his response was, ”Hi hungry, I’m dad.”

This pun is a dad joke.

The term dad joke hasn’t been around that long. The first use of the phrase on the internet was in 2003. At first, people ignored the term, but eventually, it got an Urban Dictionary definition, and people began using it in forums online.

In 2013, dad jokes gained momentum in search volume on the internet. Shortly after that, mainstream pop culture made dad jokes a favorite. Writers for tv shows used the phrase, and celebrities started telling these jokes via their social media accounts.

In 2016, at his Turkey Pardon Ceremony, President Obama repeatedly told dad jokes and even referred to these jokes by name.

But, dads have to have been telling these corny jokes before 2003.

In 1987, Jim Kalbaugh wrote a defense for these jokes in the Gettysburg Times. Definitively knowing the first use of the phrase, like most slang, is nearly impossible. The term seems to have existed in the 80’s and became increasingly popular by 2010.

You Can Be A Hit At The Next Party

Telling dad jokes won’t get you inducted into the Comedy Hall of Fame, but it will make you a hit at family functions and holiday events. These short, witty jokes will have listeners furiously laughing or upset at the sheer lameness of dad jokes. Either way, you’ll get a response.

Who doesn’t like a good joke, right? There are hundreds if not thousands of dad jokes out there. Choosing the right ones to tell your family is the hardest part. There are just too many to choose.

Luckily for you, below is a compilation of the best dad jokes for you to pick. Before we get into the 99 funniest dad jokes, let’s understand humor better.

The Difference between A Bad Joke And Pun

The most notable difference between a bad joke and a pun is the intentions. Puns are a play on words where jokes have a punchline.

Puns are also called paronomasia. Intentionally using a homophobic, homographic, figurative language, or metonymic is what makes these ambiguities arise. In human writing, Sumerian cuneiform has used puns throughout history. They are even in Egyptian hieroglyphs. Plautus, a Roman playwright, was famous for his wordplay and use of puns.

Even William Shakespeare relied heavily on puns in his writing to express himself. He also used puns to create significant contexts. Shakespeare had a considerable influence on the English language. Through his work, he was able to incorporate puns into his culture and make them standard in everyday conversations.

Jokes use words in a narrative to make people laugh. It’s a form of storytelling. Usually, a bad joke won’t get a laughing response from an audience.

Understanding Different Forms of Humor

Before you can tell dad jokes, you first have to understand humor and how it works. Everything is not funny for everybody. Some people enjoy dark humor, while others enjoy satire and topical comedy.

Dad jokes fall under the wit/wordplay category. They are very creative and depend on some intellect to understand. Although these jokes can be considered unorthodox, when delivered correctly, they can have a comical impact. Let’s briefly discuss five forms of humor.

  1. Dark/Morbid: This is a form of humor that is grim and depressing. It deals with death and misfortune from a pessimistic view.
  2. Highbrow: This is humor pertaining to themes that are sophisticated and cultured.
  3. Satirical: This humor takes aspects of society and human weaknesses and mocks it.
  4. Screwball: Closely related to farce, screwball humor takes unlikely situations and gives responses to them.
  5. Stand-up: Humor that entertains a crowd with stories and jokes.

Understanding delivery and humor will help you to be a hit at the next family gathering. Deciding whether you will tell dirty dad jokes or clean dad jokes is strictly up to you. I recommend that if children are near, try to avoid the dirty jokes. Without further ado, here are the top 99 funniest dad jokes of 2020.

99 Dad Jokes That’ll Make You The Life Of The Party

1) Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. Eleven years old, and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

2) My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

3) DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way into town; apparently, an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can’t remember… I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife…

4) How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

5) I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

6) Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

7) If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

8) The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell, “Donald, duck!”

9) I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

10) What do you call someone with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows.

11) I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

12) What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

13) My daughter screeched, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you!?” What a strange way to start a conversation with me…

14) A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

15) My wife tried to unlatch our daughter’s car seat with one hand and said, “How do one-armed mothers do it?” Without missing a beat, I replied, “Single-handedly.”

16) When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

17) My friend keeps saying, “cheer up, man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.

18) Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm, it would be just water.

19) The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

20) MOM: “How do I look?” DAD: “With your eyes.”

21) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.

22) What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

23) Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

24) 3 unwritten rules of life…


25) If you see a robbery at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

26) Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

27) Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!

28) I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”

29) KID: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” DAD: “Poof, you’re a sandwich!”

30) Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

31) SERVER: “Sorry about your wait.” DAD: “Are you saying I’m fat?”

32) What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

33) What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY

34) CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”

35) What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

36) When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: “They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”

37) If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.

38) What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

39) 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

40) Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself? It was two tired.

41) What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!

42) GRANDPA: I have a ‘dad bod’, DAD: To me it’s more like a father figure.

43) What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y

44) When a dad drives past a cow pasture: LOOK! That cow is OUT-STANDING in his field!

45) What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

46) I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

47) When you ask a dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.”

48) KID: “Hey, I was thinking…” DAD: “I thought I smelled something burning.”

49) A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender here?”

50) Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

51) How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

52) SON: hands my Dad his 50th birthday card, DAD: You know, one would have been enough.

53) When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding.

54) A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

55) Can February March? No, but April May!

56) What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

57) Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.

58) To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

59) Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.

60) What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.

61) I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!

62) What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

63) When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: “No, I got them all cut!”

64) Where did the college-aged vampire-like to shop? Forever 21.

65) GROCERY STORE CHECKER: “Paper or plastic?” DAD: “Either, I’m bisacktual.”

66) What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen, and I can’t giddyup!”

67) You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

68) Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.

69) What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

70) I hear it’s easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It’s more difficult to deter gents, though.

71) What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

72) A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, “First offender?” She says, “No, first, a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

73) Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

74) You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

75) I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

76) WAITRESS: “Soup or salad?” DAD: “I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”

77) What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

78) What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.

79) As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

80) Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.

81) Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!

82) What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.

83) I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.

84) If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”. They get really pissed off.

85) A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

86) I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!

87) You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good, but they haven’t got a gig yet.

88) Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.

89) Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.

90) What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.

91) DAD, TO A SINGER: “Don’t forget a bucket.” SINGER: “Why?” DAD: “To carry your tune.”

92) I told my 14-year-old son I thought ‘Fortnite’ was a stupid name for a computer game. I think it is just too weak.

93) How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

94) How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, “Ribbit, ribbit” and a horny toad says, “Rub it, rub it.”

95) What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

96) Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.

97) Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!

98) NURSE: “Blood type?” DAD: “Red.”

99) What do you call a fish with two knees? A “two-knee” fish.

Conclusion: Let’s wrap things up

Being funny isn’t an easy task. It’s one of those things that you have or don’t have. Using this list of 99 funniest dad jokes, you can get some laughs and have an arsenal of jokes ready for the next time you want to be entertaining.

It doesn’t matter if you’re telling them to your family, friends, or coworkers. You’re sure to get a response with these jokes. I can’t guarantee a positive response, but you’ll get a response none the less.

If you’re a witty dad with a simple sense of humor, dad jokes are the funniest jokes you can tell.

These hilarious jokes always have and always will make people laugh. When fathers tell dad jokes to children, hearing their uncontrollable laughter makes most dads feel like a comedy genius.

Children are easily amazed by the wittiness of wordplay. Some people believe dad jokes aren’t like a fine wine; they don’t get better with time. Having this assortment of the funniest dad jokes helps the fun keep going and prevents you from repetitively telling the same jokes over and over again.

What do you think?

Written by Emma Reed

Emma is a full time gossip chaser. Her passions are riding through the countryside with her doggos and writing stories that make people go WOW. She's the editor at

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

nashali 1

Ex-Teacher Turned Baddie Nashali Blu Earns $30,000+ Per Month On Social Media

funny weird date stories 0

30 Weird (But Comical) Dating Stories Folks Have Shared On Twitter